Grinny grinny grinny

I have a horrible few months. I have depression. I have good weeks and I have really terrible weeks. The past few months though have been pretty shitty. I didn't know it was as bad as it was until I started to feel better. My bingeing has been out of control, taking food out of bins, secret eating, planning my binges, my thoughts have been dark, sometimes suicidal. I didnt want anyone to touch me, look at me, even talk to me.

I was completely lost to my self bullying, low self esteem and zero confidence. I stopped wearing make up, Ive lived in a hoody, tracky bottoms and wellies. I got out of bed because of my children. If it wasn't for them i would have stayed in bed, in the dark watching crappy movies feeling really sorry for myself.

Somehow, I don't know how, but something made me go to the doctor and get some help. I blurted everything out to her and she was amazing. I know not everyone thinks anti depressants are the answer, but for me they are. I was on them anyway, but my doctor has upped the dosage and I feel like a new person.

Last year I was ready to try my life without anti depressants. I lowered the dose, as the doctor advised, and before I knew it, I was back to crying, not wanting to live and I couldn't function.

My depression isn't about past situations or the bad things I have experienced in my life. I have low levels of serotonin in my brain. Ive gone down the natural route before, exercise, healthy eating, but it wasn't enough. Its just one of those things and I will be on the happy pills for the rest of my life. Which I'm totally cool with.

I've also discovered something that is absolutely changing my life. I'm following the 12 steps of recovery for Over eaters.

Its amazing to know I'm not alone and everything in this book is every thought I have had and how to change it.

Ive not binged for a week now. It doesn't sound much to you folk, but for me, its a miracle.

I'm trying to make each meal a celebration. I don't sit in front of the telly anymore and I make sure each meal is to nourish my body. Its easier to eat healthy foods that are good for me as there is no bad feeling or mental fights as im eating it, like there was when im feeling down and eating crap.

I bloody hate cooking normally, but I have found some recipes on line and I have really enjoyed following the exact instructions and creating a really healthy meal. The bit i don't like though, is the god damn washing up after.

Normally, Steve would come over to mine after a hard day at work and id sit on me arse as he cooked a meal, otherwise his dinner would be cereal.

This is all new to me, this making meals lark. Its almost like I'm telling myself I deserve a proper meal. I am not full up with crackers and cereal and that's why i always have about 3 bowlfuls and about 15 crackers with butter. Also, understanding that stuffing my face with crappy food in a fit of despair would never fill me up anyway, as its an emotional void I'm trying to fill. If I don't try and work out what that emotional problem is, I will never be full, emotionally or in my tummy.

I am loving this new love feeling coursing through my veins, not just love for my family and friends but love for me.

Ive started wearing makeup again, I even wore a brightly coloured dress to a family meal the other day. Little steps that make me have some self worth and its working.

If you are sat at home or work, feeling the guilt of over indulgence or feeling depressed and shitty. Get some help. It doesn't just fall in your lap, you have to get off your arse and find it and there are millions of people out there to help you. On line forums, groups on facebook, doctors, books.

The main thing that has helped me is forgiving myself. Letting go of all the self sabotage and moving on. To stop living in the past, having arguments with people in my head (usually in the shower).

If I do have negative thoughts, I'm to remember they are just thoughts, they aren't real, they aren't facts, they are something that I am creating so I also have the power to tell it to fuck off. And i do that to, if a dark thought starts to creep in, i literally tell it to fuck off and not come back and in my mind the black thought cloud then explodes into a puff of glitter. That's it thought fack off outta town. you ain't welcome here.

xxxxxx

You broke me, so you can fix me!

A strange thing happened to me a couple of months ago...

I was walking past a shop that my friend works in, I never go into this shop, I always walk past and just wave through the window if my mate sees me, but randomly, I wanted to go in.

My friend was talking to a lady, I said hello to my friend then looked at the lady she was talking to.

To my total shock and amazement, the lady was my natural dads wife.

I had been trying to get in touch with my dad for a little while but came to a dead end. Last I heard he was in Oz and I kind of sadly accepted that, I wouldn't see him again and that we would never make amends and move on from things that happened when I was a kid (remember one of my last posts, I told you about my nutty dad who went to prison etc).

My Dads wife, just kinda stared at me and I stared at her. Not in a nasty, Western film way where we are gonna draw our guns, just a astonished 'What the fuck?' kinda way.

Turn outs, T (that's what I'm going to call dads wife on here) was never normally in that shop and was just in there for 10mins to do some stuff.

Its weird how the universe works, and after a lot of crying and hugging and a few babbled questions on my behalf, I learnt that my dad was indeed in Salisbury (where I live) and T would message him to get in touch.

For the first time in a long time, I wasn't scared of my Dad. For years I had been looking over my shoulder because, when I was a kid, the ill man who did weird stuff, was blimmin freaky, and the fear stayed with me until recently.

A day later, I received a text from my dad.

I was delighted to get a text rather than a phone call. I hate talking on the phone, its the silence I cant deal with and I land up making funny squeaky noises to fill the gap.

The text went something like this:

'Hey its Dad, so lovely to hear from you, can we meet up?'

So we arranged to meet up for a coffee in town.

On the day, I was really nervous, excited, scared. I was worried he was going to judge me like he did last time. (10 years ago, my son was 2 and my dad came to visit me for the first time in a long time, the first thing he said to me after not seeing each other for years was 'Wow, haven't you got fat, are you going to diet?)

But, what actually happened, was I made sure I was in the cafe first so I could clock him as he walked in before he clocked me. I wanted the quick advantage of seeing what he looked like first.

My god, he is a right crusty old bloke!

Gone are the days of the muscly, beautiful specimen of a man, who had very neat hair.

In walked this slow walking, longish haired, thin hippy.

He still had perfect teeth, but I cant remember him having a big nose and big blue eyes?

He saw me and I walked over to him and we gave each other the biggest hug. I missed them hugs, I missed his smell, I missed his voice, and I missed his loud laugh. I was instantly whole again.

We sat down, cried a bit, held hands, looked at each other a bit. He told me how utterly beautiful I was, we talked briefly about the last time we saw each other and the horrible words we had exchanged.

I told him, that we had lots to talk about, things he has done that need explaining, but I didn't want to talk about them yet.

Though, of course we did talk about some things that had happened.

He gave me an explanation as best he could about, the treatment he gave me as a child...

If you don't know or cant remember what I wrote a few posts back or even if I wrote about it (??) I will briefly remind you...

When I was about 12, my dad started to explore the world of spiritualism, reike, Buddhism, massage, Crystal healing etc. This was happening whilst he was having a mental breakdown. He would perform 'operations' on me, using his hands and talking to the spirits as the guided him. One operation was to give me a golden bone so I never had back trouble... I have to point out, he didn't actually cut me open and pull out a backbone, this was all purely him hallucinating, but truly believing he was doing work, helped by the spirits. When I was led down terrified, I remember being amused that he asked a spirit to pass him a scalpel...

Another operation, was to cure me of chocolate... well that definitely didn't work.

At his lowest, most insane point, me and mum were at home and we received a phone call from our local pub that, my dad was down there praying over a glass of water. Me and mum were terrified and we knew he was coming for me.

I'm not sure why I was off school that day, but as time passed, me and mum stayed upstairs in the bedroom, scared out of our bloody minds. From my brothers bedroom window, we watched my dad hide behind a large bush, waiting for me to get off the school bus. When he realised I wasn't on the bus, he walked down towards our house. By this time, adrenaline had kicked into my mum and she was went out to confront him. But he had disappeared.

I could see her walking up and down the path looking for him. A friend of the family was on his way down to help us, so when there was a knock on the door, I assumed it was him. So I went downstairs, to open the door. But it wasn't, It was my Dad. I shit my pants, screamed and slammed the door.

The thing I remember mostly was his eyes. They were like black saucers, he was very pale and just looked like a bloody scary psycho.

I ran upstairs, and I could hear mum and our family friend, talking to him, asking him to leave. My mum was being very kind considering the situation and saying to my dad 'Brian, you are ill, you need to get help' I remember feeling grateful my mum wasn't screaming and shouting at him. She could see he wasn't a well man and was trying to get him away but also make him realise, this wasn't normal behaviour.

He kept saying, that he wanted to see me, that he was to take me away with him. He wasn't going to leave until he had spoken to me. He was saying this in a very calm, robotic voice. I knew he wasn't going to go so in the end I opened up the bedroom window and shouted at him to piss off.

Dad shrugged his shoulders and left. Just like that.

Anyway, there is a point to me telling you this...

I asked him why did he do all these things, the best way he could answer me was this:

He had always disliked himself, felt paranoid, body issues, unwell, and sad, always. When he started to explore spiritualism etc, it made him feel better, made him feel excepted. In his mad world, he wanted me to feel better about the world and as good as he was feeling, so he was trying to make me happy. But he also admitted that alot of the things he regrets as he was ill and actually he didn't know what he was doing at all.

It made me feel okay. He wasn't doing it all to freak me out and scare me. In his deluded mind, he was still trying to be a father, who wanted to make his little girl not feel pain and upset. Its just a shame actually that it went so horribly wrong.

So even though I can forgive his behaviour, it doesn't stop the fact, that his choices in life have had a huge affect on me. Even as an adult, my eating, my body issues, my lack of trust in people, my paranoia.

He isn't into all them things anymore. Which I'm really pleased about. He told me he is done with all of that and now just leads a very simple life. I do admire the life he leads now, its a life Ive always aspired to. Its very holistic, natural, and mindful.

Ive met up with my dad a few times now, and I love it. I love asking his opinion on stuff as he gives a different point of view about it all. And he isn't talking bollocks either. Before I would have had to take what he said with a pinch of salt, but now what he says makes sense and I find myself engrossed in his explanations and totally getting it.

There are some areas which I frown internally about. But now Ive realised that, if my dad believes in something, who am I to judge? Just because something is very real to him doesn't mean it has to be real to me, but its nothing to be scared of. I guess Ive just accepted him as what he is today, rather than try and get the dad back, I had in my rose tinted glasses, when I was little before he went nutty.

When I met him the other day, I opened up about my body issues and self esteem. He said some really comforting things and gave me some excellent advice. and Ive thought about them and I feel okay about his thoughts about body issues.

Ive always thought I was like my mum, but the more I get to know my dad, adult to adult, actually I am  very much like my dad to. Which is okay, it filling in the missing confused pieces I have in my brain and my heart.

We are still in the early days, and though Roy my step dad has always been there like a dad and always will be, its really nice to call my real father Dad. Ive missed calling someone that x

Yours Clothing Black and Stone Polka Dot Frill Tunic Dress size 16

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world at the moment. I now have this lovely dress to review!

My son wasn't the photographer this time, it was my mum and she did a fab job, considering when I asked her to do it she said 'Oh God, do I have to press a button or something?'

I love a polka dot. I think it adds a bit of fun to any outfit, though its important to not be head to toe in polka dot as you will look, erm, eccentric?

I ordered a size 16 in this dress, which I'm delighted to fit into! The fabric is chiffon, but it does come with a little black slip to go underneath.

It has 2 strings around the scooped neck line so you can tie a bow for a peep hole effect, but I likes a bit of boobage, so I undid the ties and had it more as a V neck dress.

It does have a tie belt around the back, but I wanted to add a bit more, so I wore a thin black belt around the middle instead. It also has a elasticated waistline, which doesn't make it feel restrictive.









I don't normally like short sleeves as I feel they are unflattering on me, but I think they look nice in this dress as they are frilled.

My favourite part of this dress is the frills, it takes a dress from being very ordinary to something very fun and flirty. I'm 5'7 and its nice for the dress to sit on my knee rather than on my thigh as it balances my body out. I love that you can dress this outfit up as either an evening dress with leggings, high heels and jewellery, or more of a daytime look with a cute pair of pumps. So for £28, you are getting a very versatile dress.

I'm a big fan of Yours, they really know their sizes. Especially if you are larger in the boob area.

This is the link, if you are interested in buying this dress, which I absolutely recommend you do.

http://www.yoursclothing.co.uk/P/Stone_and_Black_Frill_Tunic_with_Stone_Spot_Print-(20304).aspx

I will be wearing this dress at the British Beauty Curve 2014 pageant for the 'Fashion Wear'. I'm so excited!

Simplybe Lovedrobe Stud Trim Maxi (red) UC335FX size 16

I am a very lucky girl, not only do I get to keep this dress, but I'm also going to wear it for a pageant.

For those of you that don't know (though I expect all of you will know as I tell anyone who will listen) I have been selected as a finalist for a beauty pageant called Miss British Beauty Curve 2014 in July. As I'm over 30 I'm Ms and I'm representing my county Wiltshire. (squeal!)

So, this is a dress for the 'Evening Wear' category.

I chose it mainly for the colour. Ooooooh isn't it a lovely red.

Now, I had no-one around here to take my pictures, so my 11 year old stepped in. I'm a busy mum of 3, so I took my chance of a 10 minuet quite period and got to it.

The downsides of getting my 11 year old to take my pictures are :

He often had his fingers in the photo

He took lots of blurry pictures

He took pictures of me half in the picture

And most annoyingly of all, he failed to tell me that the hangy armpit bit of ribbon for hangers, was sticking out as I was posing.

But don't let that hangy bit of ribbon by my armpit put you off as this dress is GORGEOUS.

Its long, which is really important to me as I'm 5'7. You would be suprised how many manufacturers get this so very wrong! Its never a good look to look like you are expecting a flood.








I love how it isn't to 'booby'
There is a stud trim as well (please ignore ribbon armpit)
This, I like as it gives it a bit of a rock edge to it.

The dress is done up by a zip down the side and also has ties that I've done up at the back.

My hair is in the way, but the straps are thin and same material as the dress. Not flimsy 'I'm about to snap' thin though, like a vest top strap.

And this is a picture of me (ahem) in my sash....

Go and check out Simplybe's site and tap in the code UC335FX. The dress is £45

Or better still here is the link:

http://www.simplybe.co.uk/shop/lovedrobe-stud-trim-maxi-dress/uc335/product/details/show.action?pdBoUid=8402#colour:Red,size:

If you are interested in taking part in the pageant, here is the link:

http://www.misscocoacouture.com/


Wish me luck!

Yours Clothing navy and white polka dot print skater dress with a patent red waist belt

Just a little post today and its all about this dress....

I was browsing through Yours Clothing website, as its one of my favourite shopping sites. I find there clothes are true to size and is of good quality. I came across this dress and I immediately bought it. Its a size 18, and I LOVE it.

It did come with a red belt, but, I didn't have anything shoe/boot wise to match or any accessories either, so I ditched the red belt and replaced it with a little brown belt.

(please note, awkward pose)

This dress is great if you have big boobs, the neckline is very flattering and the slightly flared 3/4 length sleeves balance everything out.

The material on this dress is slightly heavy, so it hangs really well and the print hides all the lardy parts

Oh look how pretty it is! I genuinely felt like a lady in this dress. Normally I feel like a hippo or a drag queen in girly dresses and always opt for Black.

The best thing about this dress is this.....

It swooshes! Its a swooshy little number, so If someone calls me from the otherside of the room, I can dramatically spin round, and my dress will twirl. Happy Sigh.

I cant stop twirling.....

Enough of that, so here is the back, normally I'm a bit paranoid about my back boobs, but in the dress you just cant see it. 

The dress cost me £32 and I think it was absolutely worth it. I'm normally tutting at anything over a fiver. I wore this to a friends Christening and I think I might wear it to a 30th birthday party this weekend!

Since I  bought this dress, I think they are now out of stock, and I'm not surprised, but don't let this put you off as Yours Clothing has so many lovely items on there. You wont be disappointed xxx

Dog Porn

This is Lexie.

She is a Staffie (gasps of horror as the child face eating beast stares at you) Staffies are BEAUTIFUL and Lexie is very tolerant of our zoo like sounding atmosphere of a house and is very cuddly and sweet and I could just eat her up. On Monday she was 'done'. No baby Lexies in this house, but look at that face, she is feeling proper sorry for herself, and I felt really sad for her as she was in pain, so for 2 nights I have slept downstairs with her.


The reason I am telling you this is because, I used to hate dogs. Really really hate dogs, I was scared of them, thought they were disgusting and when my bestie got a jug, I was quite frankly, very disappointed in her.

I got used to Toby, the Jug. With his funny fat body and squished up face. I tell Lisa (my bestie) that Toby looks like a walrus and that when he walks he reminds me of those really obese people, who haven't left the house for years and finally make it outside and walk down the street. He literally rolls from side to side.

Because of this little freak, It softened my cold heart of stone, and then I met Lexie and in a slow motion blurry visioned run towards each other, we fell in love. (vomit)

Toby and Lexie are best friends with benefits and at any given chance, if Lexie stands still, just for a second, Toby is on her and humping her like no tomorrow, even when Lisa bats that dog off Lexie he still carries on humping the air. He has tried shagging Lexie in the ear and also her nose. In turn if Toby is sat down minding his own business, Lexie is in there licking his, erm, lipstick. My friend Abby had the unfortunate position of being sat next to them the other day and witnessed a full live dog sex show. Welcome to my house!

I just have to make it clear, me and Lisa don't just stand by and let it happen, we aren't SICK, this isn't animal farm people!

Enough of that now....

So I received my beauty pageant sash!! I am representing Wiltshire in a pageant called Miss British Beauty Curve 2014. I am a finalist! http://www.misscocoacouture.com/ check me out.

I have interviews to do and I also have to write a review on a beautiful dress for SimplyBe in the next couple of weeks and that's one of the dresses I will be wearing on the day. I also get to write a review again about the dress and about the pageant.

I also have a lovely dress to review next week for Yours clothing. EEEEK!!!

Now my plan was to get back down to a size 16. Its do-able man, it isssssssss. Its my settled size if that makes sense? I feel good at a size 16 and I can maintain it. Its taken me ages to get into a nice little health routine, but I've finally got it. And its all thanks to this fella Dale Pinnock http://dalepinnock.com/

I first heard him talking on Radio 2, he is a medicinal chef, and so I bought a couple of his books. I love his recipes, most of them have about 5 ingredients, which is great as im not a fan of cooking and the other thing I love is that each dish is for aimed at specific areas of your body, so for example, when I eat a certain soup, its doing good stuff for my skin and it tastes reaaaaallllly nice.

I based my food shopping around alot of his recipes, so I ordered things like coconut oil. Sadly, when my food was delivered, whatever numpty it was that packed my shopping thought that Truffle olive oil was a good substitute for coconut oil. I mean seriously. Id rather of either had no susbstitue oil or just give me a coconut. Truffle oil is used for drizzling over salads! I cant even cook with the bloody stuff!

Anyway.... I attempted some of recipes.

Ahem, so I took a couple of pictures of my 'makes' from his book and also off his website. Now please understand, that I am a normal person and how I dish things up or bag things up is what normal people do. I don't have it placed on beautiful plates next to pretty flowers etc. I use Poundland food bags and secondhand plates. So the presentation is pretty pants, its still bloody tasty :)

First up is the Magic Mushroom Soup and also Proper Pepper Soup... I know they look like bags of something from a hospital don't they.... This mushroom soup is good for bone health, colds and flu and high cholesterol. The Pepper soup is good for skin health.

There originally was 4 bags of each, but mum had some and I had some. I highly recommend these soups. They are so guuurt yum. I had them with homemade bread rolls, that make me fart lots.

I don't normally like red pepper, but this has sweet potato with it as well and after you wooz it with a woozer hand blender thingy, the texture is really luxurious and is delicious.



Here is the next thing I made. Its called Great Balls Of Fire. This is the picture in the book....

 and this is what I created....

Stop laughing!!!!!!!!

These are so nice, they have dates and nuts and cocoa powder and chilli in them.

They are good for skin health, heart health and constipation.

It is also supposed to have goji berries in them but, again, the food shopping arrived and i was substituted with dried cherries, which I didn't mind as they taste goooooood.

I also didn't have chilli powder, I only had chilli flakes, so every now and then you get a really cough inducing chilli explosion in one and not much in another! I also don't have have a food processor, so I spent and age unclogging my hand blender.

I'm so cool.

For my lunch today I branched out and got me some tuna steaks. Never tried them before, but I saw this on Dales website and it looked yum. He served it with sweet potato wedges and salsa, but i plonked mine on top of some salad. This is the picture on the website and its called Honey Soy Tuna Steaks and is good for skin and heart and circulatory system...

and this is mine....

I have discovered, i don't like Tuna Steaks. Give me a tin of it slathered in mayo any day. BUT I would do this again with a salmon steak.

I have been following Dales recipes for a week and I feel great and I have lots of energy and its also lovely that its not a bloody diet. I have made more of his creations as I have a really sweet tooth, so that Apple Jacks (healthy flapjacks) have been a god send, though I'm not sure you are meant to eat 4 in one go...

I hope you have a look at his site and maybe buy a book or 2 of his (play.com was where I got mine).

If you decide to have a go at any of Dales recipes, let me know how you got on and what you think!

Oh before I go, the best god damn thing I've made has been the Beetroot, Caramelised Onions and goats cheese tart. Easy peasy and it made me clog up my laptop keys as I'm a mucky cow that eats and browses the net at the same time.

Laters!

Excitin Shizz!

I haven't posted for agggggeeeeeeeeeeesssssss. Man have I got a lot to tell you. Did you have a nice Christmas?

As you can see, I have finally decided that my blog is gonna be about life in general. I keep trying to pigeon hole stuff and then i get bored of one hole and then start on another, so here is my big fat combined pigeon hole. Just think of my blog as a big pigeons asshole.

So, I'm still doing my craft thing. This is a vital part of my world. Its called Dagian Crafts (find me on facebook). Dagian is old English for Dawn, it is pronounced Day-Gin. I often have to explain this to people as I've tried to be cool and individual with my business name (actually a friend came up with the name as I'm not clever enough to look up old names), but still, its a price you have to pay, being as cool as me....

Anyway, stepping aside from being cool, the main reason I have a craft business from home, is because I also home educate my son, Max. The only way I could do this was to set up a business from home as finding a job, that is term time only, hours 10 till 2, was proving to be a big fat ball ache, and when Max went to secondary school, it all went tits up for him, so he is at home with me....

For those of you who don't know, Max is on the autistic spectrum. I'm currently trying to get him a statement as I believe he has high functioning autism. with a statement, this means he go to a specialist school. in the meantime, he has the joy of spending all day with me, trying to teach him stuff that I have to look up the answers in the back of the workbook...

If Max had his way, we would be learning about, farts, pooing, other peoples poo, swear words, swear words for poo, and maybe drawings of knobs.

Well, we cant, as much as I want to teach him the drawings of school day knob's and vag's. I cant. I might get told off by someone.









Though, saying that, my kids called me in the other day as they were being (in Max's words) Cock n Balls.....

Seriously, I should be ashamed and feel gutted that my children could even think of doing such things... but i found it funny. I don't think my youngest quite knew what was going on, but he definitely wanted to be a bollock.













Anyway, along with a business, home educating, looking after 3 kids, a house, a dog, a fella, I also have something else to add to my day...

Back when this blog was called Food Stuff and Stuff, I was bleating on about body image etc etc. At the time I had lost some weight and was feelin pretty darn good about myself. So much so, I entered into a Curve beauty pageant. Its for the larger lady.... I then fell off the feeling good wagon, started stuffing my face
again and literally shat my confidence down the bog, along with various take aways, cakes etc.

About a week ago, I received a letter from the pageant, telling me I had been selected as a finalist! Exciting stuff eh!

Actually, my first reaction was to laugh, then i put it on facebook, saying there was no way I was gonna do it, then after lots of encouragement, I decided I am going to do it.

So I have jumped on the losing weight ride (again).... Id like to be a size 16 for the day, that would be amazeballs. I'm like a size 20 at the mo.

Sometimes I think things are thrown at you for a reason. If it wasn't for this exciting opportunity, id still be shoving baguettes filled with lard into my gob sideways. I've been given something to work towards and its do able!

The only thing I am genuinely worried about, after reading what's expected of me on the day...

Basically I have to act like a lady and be graceful.

This is gonna take some practise. I'm going to be interviewed, and its mega important I don't do my stupid social tourette nervous thing I do and start talking about sheep's shagging or what my mums boobs look like or something random when they ask me my name.

The other issue is this... I wear walking boots and trainers pretty much 90% of the time. If I wear a nice boot, its usually with a 1 inch heel.

I have size 8 feet.

This is man feet.

Ive got to try and walk down the runway, like a lady in high heel shoes.

Think gruffalo in stilettos. who normally wears walking boots.

I look like a transvestite, wearing pretty shoes for the first time. Awkward, determined and desperately wanting to pull the look off.

I've been looking at how to walk on you tube for some inspiration and some lessons. Seriously, I have. Basically, I'm going to have to buy some high heels and prance about my house in them. Walking up and down my hallway, pretending I've got bags of confidence. Stomach in, Tits out... Steve will be delighted as his girlfriend is actually gonna look like a girly girl, unless I wear them with my tracky bottoms, which is highly likely.

It will alllll be worth it. it will it will it will

I will even give you little progress reports. Exciting huh!

laters x