I see mums at the school and we do that, 'oh we really must get together, when are you free?' and I'm like 'Im not sure, can i get back to you on that one?'.
I never get back to these people. I'm sure i offend, i don't mean to.
Even tho i really like these people and i feel very humbled that they would want to spend any time with me, the pressure of a planned event, (even just a cup of coffee) one to one with another person makes me panic and then i cancel at the last minute.
Sometimes, there are things i know i have to go through with. Visiting my cousin Donna and family's new pad in Portsmouth was one of them. I love my family, i love it when we get together (as long as they come here), but going on a train, to a place i didn't know, made my throat close over with fear.
So, I booked the train tickets for me, Mum and my daughter Jess a week early so I couldn't back out.
Nearing the time, i was tearful, snappy and just a bit of a Twat. I wasn't going off to war, I wasn't being kicked out my country to live in a igloo, I wasn't at gun point being told i have to sit next to a smelly old man, naked. I was going on a train to visit my cousin, then coming home.
Simple!
ISN'T IT!
On the day itself I was fine. we were catching an early train, so it was just get up and go.
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| 3 Beauts ready for the choo choo |
Parked up, went into a shop to get a few bits for the journey. Mum and Jess waited outside the shop as I queued for my items.
I'm not sure why, but when you have a time limit, for each section of your day, like I do ( OCD much??!) I had it in my head that I will be in the shop for 5 to 7 minutes. This was the choosing items, lining up to pay, being served, and leaving the shop.
Oh, but the woman in front, oh no, she wasn't on a time limit was she, no, she wanted to tell the shop assistant all about the ins and outs of her arse hole, AND she smelt of piss. I'm patient to a certain point, then I'm not so patient. It starts off with a impatient tap of the foot, then comes the heavy sighs, looking at the person behind to roll my eyes, and at breaking point, I usually say something like 'Excuse me, I'm in a real rush, can you serve me please'. Luckily, I didn't get to the speaking stage, I just did a impatient face, tap of foot, and a big obvious impatient sigh. Pissy pants in front got the hint and moved to one side. Jeez that was lucky, I was nearly at the 7 minute limit.
Mum and Jess were fine outside, but my heart was pounding, stress was coursing through my veins. I did what my mates used to call 'the chicken walk'. This is where, i stomp on ahead and my hair does this thing where it flicks in and out like a chicken wing. I know my friend reading this will chuckle at this (hate you guys) and vision the walk I was doing.
I'd like to think the people staring at us was thinking 'wow, what amazingly beautiful blonde people' But i know they were questioning 'why is that woman walking like a chicken and why is that other woman dragging a suitcase with a tree in it?'
I should point out at this stage, that the women in our family, are, scavs. We visit each other, but the day isn't complete until we have raided the persons house of things we want to take home to keep for ourselves. Obviously with the persons permission! We aren't thieves! ( well maybe thieves with permission?)
So mum really went for it and took a suitcase to bring all the treasures back home in. We also bought a housewarming present which was an olive tree, and it stuck out of the bright red suitcase, like one of those dogs in a bag.
Poor Jess was doing the walk I used to do at her age, whenever I walked along side Mum. It was like a little jog to keep up, you darent look in a shop window or up at the sky, or that was it, Mum was in the distance and i would panic in case i couldn't catch up and I'd be lost FOREVER!!!! Doesn't stop me doing the fast mum walk now tho, keep up Jess.
We arrived at the train station and found our platform with a good 10 minuets to spare.
The train arrived and the instant fright of possibly falling down the gap and getting run over by the train and being dragged to Portsmouth washes over me as I watch my daughter take the big step onto the train
We were fine by the way, we didn't fall and get dragged, thanks for asking.
We found a table and settled in. it was HOT. When Mum used to have bouts of hot flushes she would buy those Chinese fans, she still uses them now on hot days. So there we were, sat round a table, mum fanning herself like lady of the manor with a bush sticking out her bag (I'm not talking about her vagina. snigger)
Where I was sat, was in eye line with a weird bloke, who i know was staring at my tits, so i had to do that awkward lean so i didn't have to see him or catch his wondering eye.
My mum had her cleavage out (not in a slutty way!) and every bloke that went past had a good ol look at my mums bobbing boobs. This amused me.Listening to peoples conversations on the train is interesting. It passes the time and it just proves how boring us human beings are.
It got to about an hour into the journey, when Mum asked a very important question 'Why do men have nipples?'
I don't know I'm afraid, but I'm sure the whole train is now wondering that very thing to.
Finally, we arrive at our platform, waiting for us is my cousin's wife Wendy, delighted to see her we have a massive group hug on the platform. Ahhhhh.
We get into Wendy's car and drive to their new house. EXCITING!
My cousin Donna greeted us with big hugs and kisses and smiles, truly fab to see her. We clamber into their house knocking things over, eyeing up possible things to take home, saying hello to my other cousins. Taking in the new house. Its a really nice home, the atmosphere is lovely and welcoming and Donna's glass art is everywhere. She is so damn clever.
I met their blind dog as he nosed me in the vag. That was nice, then he went outside and led in the sun pretty much all day.
We had the grand tour of the house and settled down in the kitchen and had a cuppa and a chat.
Then Donna suggested we take a walk to the sea.
I loved walking past peoples houses, having a nose into their sitting room windows as i go by. Not nose to the window type thing, more of a rubber neck as i stroll by, looking at people, knowing that i will never see them again, just really taking the whole place of where Donna and Wendy live.
I loved seeing that Donna also had the fast walk as I had to go back to my old ways and every now and then do a little jog/bouncy walk.
The photos opposite is us, en mass, going to the seaside :)
I'm not a seaside girl. I think you are either a water person or a land person. I am a land person, I'm more at home walking up to the woods near where i live and sitting in a field taking pictures.
I'm not sure why I don't like the sea, I couldn't think of anything worse than sat on a beach for a day. God id die with boredom. Sometimes I do envy people who are able to sit and relax on a beach, but I get really fidgety and irritable as sand gets up my nose in my eyes and in my teeth? I hate that crunch.
But, I did enjoy the stroll we took, and collected sea glass and shells. Wendy kept on finding dead crabs and half eaten birds and stuff, that was nice.We then made our way up to a little ice cream place.
I had this handmade honeycomb sexy gorgeous ice cream. Oh lordy, I'm salivating now just thinking about it.
I go into a zone when I'm really enjoying eating something. There could have been a fatal car crash, bombs exploding, people being stabbed, anything, and i still wouldn't notice if I'm in that zone.
Anyway, we then made our way back to Donna's for lunch.
I had packed my own lunch as i was trying to be all healthy, but that went tits up when Donna busted out the french bread and real butter. Damn, i literally slice butter like cheese when I have it.
One of the things I love about us family getting together is seeing similarities with certain things.
One of those things is this... If I have a packet of crisps/chocolate/biscuits, I would rather buy you an entire packet of crisps/chocolate/biscuits, than for you to reach into MY packet and take one. In fact, I would buy you the factory where they make these foods as long as it meant you didn't try and take 1 of my crisps. I get really stroppy and childish, so i was delighted to see this unfold between Donna and her son. Donna reached into her sons crisps packet...
Lunch was had and then the scavenging begins. Me mum and Jess go into Donna's workroom and look in every draw, every nook and cranny, this is what you would have heard... 'Oooooh can i have this?' 'Oooooh whats that? do you want that? can i have it?'
Mums suitcase was literally bursting with treasures. Glass projects that Donna had done but didn't want anymore, voile's, bits n bobs. We were giddy with joy!
We sat back down in the kitchen, drinking tea, laughing, taking the piss out of each other.
Then it came over me
I want to go home.
Train was due at 3.30. It was about 2.30ish at this point. It over came me with such force, we were in the middle of giggling for God sake. I do this every time. My mates know me well enough not to take offence, I manage about an hour around someones house before i have to go home. Maybe 2-3 hours around my besties before I announce I'm going home.
But Donna and Wendy don't really know this bit about me. So as we were giggling, I announce 'I want to go home'.
I knew it didn't go down well as it went a bit silent. But I just had to leave. I asked Wendy to take us to the train station early, even though it would involve me, Mum and Jess standing about on the platform for 30 minutes to wait for the train, but i had to leave or i was gonna have a panic attack if i was made to stay.
We said our goodbyes and Wendy took us to the train station where we did indeed wait for about 30 minutes for our train. Mum didn't even question it, I think years ago she was the same. When you get that urge to go home, waiting on a platform for 30 minutes is a step closer to home than waiting 30 minutes at your cousins house!
I know i offended, I didn't mean to, I don't know why I get this urgency to go home. I cant stay over at peoples houses, id rather be sober all night at a party and drive home than stay over in someones house.
I find going on holiday tricky, I can do 3 days MAX, then i have to go home. Steve and I have big plans for when we are old and crusty, we want to travel the world. Even when we get married one day, Steve suggested we go on a weeks honeymoon.... erm, cant we just do a weekend or something?
If anyone else has this urgency to go home, could you please explain to me what this is about?
Anyway, we got on the hottest train EVER, to go home. but i didn't care, we were going home and a warm glow burned in my tummy knowing that we were nearly there.
I hope my kids don't have this in them. I hope they take the time to sit back and chill, take the day as it is and not always be in a rush to do the next thing.
I think i need to do some research into how to just slow down. I'm manic, I tried sitting in my garden yesterday, i lasted 10 minutes and went inside to wash up.
This is a real head scratcher for me as I feel its out of my control as I don't know what its all about. I have things coming up that involves me staying over at peoples houses, or going for a bbq or a meal. How do I just sit??!!!
Someone tell me!!!!!
Laters x
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