Aunt Flow's Visiting

That time of the month, on the blob, the curse, on the rag, cat's had its throat cut (eww), BJ week (yeah right), fell off her bike, riding the crimson wave, the wounded clam.

Ahhh, isn't that lovely, a nice little list of slang for women's periods (the wounded clam is my favourite).

I will apologise now. I am indeed going to write a blog on PMS. This isn't me in the process of burning my bra or anything like that, its something i have and inflict on others before, erm, Aunt Flow arrives.

I get terrible PMS. It doesn't matter how great I'm feeling, how amazing my life is, PMS will come along and put a big black cloud over my head.

I don't just get a big violin playing thunderous black cloud over my head, i become constipated, my boobs look like they have been pumped up a few sizes, along with going up 2 sizes in my clothes, which hurts, I'm tired, I cry, i have a fuzzy head, forgetful, irritable, i get thrush, i have no patience, I don't want anyone to touch me, look at me, breathe near me. I get incredibly angry and i shout. ALOT.

I do try and warn people (especially Steve) around me that I'm due on. I don't walk around with a plaque, shouting through a mega phone (my gob is loud enough) announcing to the world, but when i start snipping, i do 9 times out of 10 say sorry then explain what it is. But i have a due on face that gives the game away as well. Its like a screwed up frowny heavy browed face, with lips that look like a cats bum.

Its not until it all subsides that i look back and think, hmmm, maybe that was a bit over the top.

My mum came round the other day, i was using lurpack lightest on some toast, my mum, in no horrible way or anything, just in a general chatting way said 'i don't like lurpack'.

Well,

She might as well have punched me in the kidneys, stamped on my face and called me a twat.

My angry response...

'What??? Why are you so JUDGEMENTALLLLLLLLL!!!! When did you even last try this butter?!'

Classic. Sorry Ma x

Having 3 children, also plays havoc with the ol angry dawn. For some reason, the name 'Mum' seems to triple and gets louder as my patience dwindles. I feel awful after i have shouted 'WHAT!!!!!!!' everytime they ask me a question. Its not fair, its not their fault and I hate that i make the people i love nervous of me. i don't have that right to make anyone feel that way. But its like a hot ball inside my stomach that's ready to explode. I just cant contain it after the 36th 'Mum' in the space of 5mins!

Luckily for me, Steve is very understanding and basically, doesn't say anything and kinda keeps his distance. Its safer to, or he might actually get stabbed.

My main issue with PMS is my desire to eat. Hmmm, maybe the word 'eat' is a tad to gentle for what i actually do. Gorge maybe? Gorge with added gorgeiness and fat laden sprinkles on top and lard sauce.

Last week was my PMS week. So what I'm trying to say is, last week, my diet was quietly wrapped and packed away on a shelf somewhere in a corner of my brain, for me to return to, a week or so later (which is today).

I ate, and i ate, and i ate. You know the girl in Charlie and the chocolate factory, she turns into a blueberry? That's how i felt yesterday after a week of relentless, sometimes secretive, out of control bingeing. The Umpa Lumpa's stood around represent awful the thoughts in my head. Tho, they would need to be poking me and upsetting me calling me fat and disgusting and tell me i have let myself down and indeed, THE WORLD. When i binge to this extreme, and the sluggishness of my bowel, makes me one poo filled lady. In my darker days, i abused laxatives, so i am weary of taking them now, in case i start relying on them again. But when its been 3 to 4 days of no movement and you have eaten a wheelie bin of food, man, that's alot of stuck shit.

I have done a bit of the ol' research into what helps with PMS and how to prevent it affecting your life to the extremes it can. I know it varies in women across the world. Some experience hardly any symptoms and it goes to the other extreme where women feel suicidal and have to work there lives around that 1-2 week awful time in the month.

I've tried to narrow down into a small list, what the main problems are, and how i can tackle them with the use of supplements.

1.
Cravings: Its the sweet stuff. Oh my, if i was a heroin addict, chocolate is my heroin. It gives me butterflies with excitement that i have this planned binge and chocolate and cakes are the main part of my binge.

Apparently, women's level of magnesium drops in their body. Chocolate has a high level of magnesium and that's why we tend to crave chocolate.

So i got me some of those magnesium and zinc supplements. So far, as its only been a week, Ive not noticed any drastic changes, though the taste of chocolate leaves a unpleasant metallic after taste?? Not sure if its connected, but if i can be put off chocolate, I'm a winner!

2.
Tiredness: Urgh, I could sleep standing up when I'm due on. No matter how much sleep i get, I'm still exhausted. I know that exercise is really good for well being and energy levels etc etc, but when i feel this tired and this awful id rather pluck my pubic hair out strand by strand than do any exercise.

My mum suggested a vitamin B complex. I have heard great thing about Vitamin B and i have dabbled in taking them in the past, but now I'm on it like a tramp on chips. I am dedicated to these bad boys. I have got a time released type of one. I am feeling a bit more energetic, but again, its only been a week, and it could be that Ive nearly finished my period. Curiously, my wee looks like lucozade, no matter how much water i drink....

3.
Skin and hair: I have the same spots come up on my face when I'm due on. They aren't even spots, they are these painful, tender, hills on my face, that everytime, I'm convinced that if i squeeze them, something will come out and they go away. Instead all that happens is this clear, liquid type stuff seeps out and leaves me with a massive scabby face. Me and my mate were discussing this and came to the conclusion that my spots want me to stop squeezing them so they let out a little bit of tear...

My hair, which is normally a mass of big wavy blondness, becomes greasy at the roots and the ends become dry? Why?? WHY? How do those shampoo's know that my roots are greasy and the ends are dry and they can both cleanse and moisturise? Its all a load of bollocks anyway, those shampoos don't work!
I invested in some vitamin E capsules. I'm looking forward to my next PMS session, well, maybe not looking forward, but it will be interesting to see if these supplements actually help.

I bloody hope so (ha!see what i did there)

If you have any tips or stories about PMS, drop me a line, id be genuinely interested to hear about them.

Laters x