On Monday, because my son came down with a really bad case of chicken pox (or as he calls it chicken pops). Me and my daughter had to go to the dentist, so my mum looked after my boy Billy and my eldest went to school.
Jess had her tooth pulled out (she's my hero, she was very brave and we had fun trying to get her to say words with half her mouth being asleep from anesthetic) and i had 2 fillings.
Oh the pain. I was so tired as id been up half the night feeding Billy medicine to bring his temperature down.
Had another crappy night with Billy on the Monday and i woke up with chronic tooth ache with a different tooth, so off i go to the dentists AGAIN on the Tuesday, A temporary filling was put on the tooth.
Crappy nights sleep Tuesday, woke up with so much pain i thought i might actually die, thought id be a hero and ride it out.
I rang the dentist, begging them to see me. they were fab and saw me at 10am and pulled the bugger out.
Wednesday, woke up with the most awful pain in the tooth i originally had a filling in on Monday.
Now, this is getting silly. I couldn't ring my dentist again as I thought they might think i was taking the piss some how, so i really did try and ride this one out...
Friday, my dad took me to A&E (after speaking to people at 111) because i felt i was DYING. Not much they could do really. I was a tad concerned that i had been popping the ol pain killers like some greedy addict.
So they gave me some super dooper pain killers and sent me home with an out of hours emergency dentist number, which i rang and they told me to ring 111. sigh.
At about 5am saturday morn, i rang 111 again, through sheer desperation and begged, cried, snotted down the phone, i just wanted some help with my bloody tooth!
They finally put me through to the out of hours dentist and i had an appointment made for me at.... 2.30pm. Yes, 2ooth 3urty for that day.
Delighted.
So, with face in hand i went to the dentist, who was very nice and listened to some jazz type music, which wasn't so nice.
Turns out that the filling that was put in on Monday was pressed against my nerve and my body was trying to reject said filling, so in a round about way, my filling and nerve were doing some sort of ping pong action. OUCH!
He also told me that id either have to have a root canal or for the tooth to be removed.
I wouldn't mind the tooth removal bit so much, but this tooth is next to the fang tooth. So if i had the tooth removed, I would look like i should go on the Jeremy Kyle show, in an ill fitting vest top shouting so many swear words, that nobody can follow the story for all the beeps.
I am hoping, no, not hoping, PRAYING, to the being that i only tend to pray to when i want something to go my way, that a root canal will solve the problem.
Out of this whole drama of tooth, ill children, lack of sleep and fogginess from all the pain killers, something has stuck in my head the most, and it was a real light bulb moment....
When i was waiting at 2.30 for my hurty tooth to be fixed, i was reading the posters in the waiting room. I swear, they were aimed at me. This notice board with different bits of information was like pointing at me and saying 'Oi, Shergold, read this, this is directed at you'
In a round about way, it was all different facts about people with a bad diet have the worse problems with their teeth.
I know this is very simple and you are probably thinking 'duh, well that makes sense', but hand on heart, i have never linked the 2 together.
Of course its why i have terrible teeth!
Oh my lordy, all this pain, because I have problems with food? I always expected myself to be told i have diabetes or high blood pressure or something like that, but not teeth?
Its left me feeling a bit ashamed, a bit shocked, a bit, dunno, angry with myself i guess? I hear about people suffering with bulimia having terrible teeth because of all the stomach acid etc, but never associated my eating disorder with my teeth. But of course its connected, i don't have the recommended amount when it comes to chocolate bars and sweets. I might have the recommended amount you are supposed to have in a month during 1 sitting, but not as a small treat in 1 day!
Its made me question, what the hell else is going on inside my body, stuff i cant see!
Its made me panic a wee bit.
I'm not gonna lie, even after having my teeth pulled out etc, i still tried to have a binge. But i found it a struggle as my mouth was numb and i was kinda dribbly and it kinda bloody well feckin hurt.
Its not worth it. This behavior is silly, outrageous! Who the hell does that!
Erm, well, I do.
I have an illness, but i'm at a stage where, i'm getting a bit titsed off with it. I'm not sure if this is part of the process, but i'm starting to see BED as an object outside my body, but its still attached to me. like a wart.
That is what my BED is, a frikkin wart.
At the minute I still have pain in my mouth. A bit of tooth is trying to work its way out through my gum, its like a constant pulsating reminder, that it doesn't have to be this way!
Does anyone know if BED is forever? Is it in me forever and i have to just manage it, or is it something i can be rid of forever?
Would be grateful to hear from anyone suffering with it or someone who has recovered from it!
love xxx
Food is an addiction and people do not realise that, in particular for those who do not have a problem, and for those that can eat what they like when they like, with minimal effect on their body shape and health.
ReplyDeleteSociety has always been cruel on this subject, and people who suffer have their own reasons for over-eating / binging, many of who do not discuss those reasons, nor understand those reasons, and hence there is a never ending circle of frustration and sadness and the battle continues.
For me, I have been sick over the years of people addressing these as being psychological hidden reasons. I put on weight very easy and whilst not vastly overweight, constantly struggle because I enjoy food!... no under-lying reasons other than that.
I have lost a vast amount of weight twice before, and after the initial buzz effect wore off, never felt any different other than constantly wanting the foods I was being deprived from.
I think you are right with the calorie approach - and this works for me - eat what you want - when you want, but know when you have to stop. Its surprising how much you really can have if you re sensible just be very regimented and ensure you count EVERYTHING - I use a phone app that works well..
Your blog is wonderful and inspirational x
I totally agree Vince, people who dont have a problem are the ones who tend to say 'well, just dont eat'. Hmmm, those people also make want to hit them round the head with a poo filled nappy.
ReplyDeleteFor the 1st time ever, through calorie control, i understand what its all about, the science bit and the results. It makes sense! But one thing i have discovered is that its not a quick fix. (booooo)
Hey, if you have any tips that have worked for you, please share! xxx
The one and only tip is never ever stop counting, the moment you become complacent and miss a day is the start of the problem - we are the way we are because we enjoy food, maybe because of emotional problems, chemical deprivation or simply because we like it, and have the inability to become satisfied. Healthy eating and avoiding foods is not for everyone, and for some can have the opposite effect and actually make you more depressed, therefore eat what you want just keep an eye on your intake - and if you do want to go ahead and have a blow out - thats fine - but spend a week on saving 100 calories which is nothing and use them all up on the blow out day....
ReplyDeleteYou also need to realise that people do genuinely appreciate curves, and its not all about the thin world that the world portrays, however these are words, and its what you feel yourself that counts x
Excellent.... i didnt think about saving up 100 calories for a treat or special occasions. I love that you have given me a different way of thinking for that one :) thankyou!
ReplyDeleteI think woman with curves are pretty awesome, I wouldnt ever want to have a boy figure, Ive had 3 kids and my stomach looks like a map of london with all the stretch marks and its in my genes to have large hips and boobs. Im just looking forward to the 'being comfortable in my skin stage' and i reckon im nearly there!
xxxxxx
Hmm, dont think Ill ever be there, and not sure why, everyone tells me im fine, although I do not see it that way, and Im sure you understand that no amount of people trying to change your opinion can actually make you feel any different - you need to as you say, be comfortable in your own skin, and for that I admire you - its a lovely place to be.
ReplyDeleteAs corny as it is, for me its a package, and a woman can be beautiful whatever the size - beautiful as a person, does indeed mean beautiful as a package on the outside and the big boobs and hips makes the navigation of the map even better! xxx
haha! I like you Vince! x
ReplyDelete